Resist Caving In

I helped a neighbor with her computer assignments three weeks ago and that shit absorbed three hours of my life Cell from Dragon Ball Z.

I lamented the opportunity cost and vowed not to do that again….

The woes of being too nice strike again.

She later asked for her help and I gave her the “I’m very busy with work” spiel.

On one hand I didn’t want to outright tell her that I don’t want to work with her again.

But on the other hand I legit did have work.

And even if that means me sitting and watching UFC highlights in my afternoon break time, that’s still work…winding work after my work work.

Anyway, what stood out was her sudden shift in facial expression when I denied her.

I work indoors the whole day and she’s stays ten steps away from me in the same property meaning she’s pretty much constantly away if I’m here or not.

So she must’ve thought I’m being an asshole or something.

I felt the emotional strings inside me tugged.

The discomfort of disappointing someone.

I almost caved into it and telling her that I perhaps “could help you a little bit at X time.”

But that would’ve been divergent to my integrity.

I stuck to my guns.

I fucking hate that feeling.

It’s one of the deleterious forces which perpetuate overcompensation and other related “being overly nice” behaviours which are sometimes not in my best interest.

This shit is hard to fight.

Anyway, I said I was going to read the Virtue of Selfishness by Ayn Rand and I still haven’t got around to it.

I’ve been busy focusing on copywriting work stuff.

I should get to handling this “disease to please” as the name of the book goes.

I might actually just read that book instead.

Until next time

Thomas Lekhanya